Accepting the Season of Rest

“Abba, when did my walk with you become so complex,” I asked driving past my old church home one sunny afternoon.

Flashbacks of my life played like a queue as I traveled down the windy road.

Growing up in a religious Christian household, my only understanding of walking with God was to do what was right.

And at seven years old, it was easy.

• Obey my mom and dad. ✅
• Make good grades. ✅
• Be nice to my elders. ✅
• Respect ALL adults. ✅
• Only speak when spoken to. ✅

But as I grew, the challenges became tougher. My relationship with my earthly father began to spiral out of control. What I grew up not knowing was now being revealed. And the weight on my shoulders began to break.

Unsure how to cope with my situation, instead of casting all of my cares and anxieties to God, who truly cared (s) for me, I took life into my hands by operating in my alter ego:

And for a while, I thought I was doing pretty good portraying the being I assumed God wanted me to be by:

• Finding the perfect church.
• Hanging around the perfect people.
• Saying the perfect things.
• Creating the perfect ministry.
• Abiding by the mosaic laws in the Bible.
• Moving in life as if everything was just fine.

Sure enough, my alter ego began to phase out, and the real me began to appear.

Bottom Line: I needed to rest. And God wasn’t just referring to closing my eyes, but deeper. He wanted me to rest in His presence. Rest in action. Acknowledge my worries by informing Him of them and then letting them go.

And I must admit, although the task is fairly simple, with an overanalytical thinker like myself, when experiencing continuous seasons, it seems like these cycles will NEVER break.

However, this season I did something different.

I accepted the season.

I accepted the fact that I am weak, but Abba is strong! Although I wouldn’t be able to change overnight. God cared and only wanted me to succeed.

Finally, at my destination, I waited for Abba’s answer to the question that flooded through my mind:

When did my walk with you become so complex?

Smiling brightly through His clouds, He responded with glee, “When I graced your life with something greater. something better. Something your nature eyes would have never seen.”

Even now, I am unsure of ALL Abba has to reveal, but I know in due season, it WILL come to past, and when it does, I will be ready.